GETTING WHAT WE WANT by Jean Johnson

In your life are you getting what you want, or what you are willing to have?  I believe most people are getting what they are willing to have.  I believe all of us put “glass ceilings” on how much good stuff we let into our lives.

You may say you want to make $500,000 a year, but you make $50,000; and you can blame it on anything you want – the economy is a popular excuse right now.  Or you can blame it on your gender, color, size, age, education level, what ever.  The truth of the matter is (and remember, Truth is Relative – see earlier post!), you get exactly what you think you are worth.  We limit ourselves in every area of our life – money, fun, relationships, health, opportunities – because of what we believe is possible for us.  And then, if we have a few moments of enlightenment, where we actually realize our own worth and potential, when things start to go our way, and our dreams start to come true, we get scared and screw it up or ignore it or walk away from it.

Right now I have several clients I am coaching using a methodology about playing a winning game.  And for a couple of them, as soon as they designed the game they wanted to win and what winning would look like (being debt free, having a job they loved, etc.) and things started to happen, quickly and easily, they got scared.  What one person actually said to me is, “It isn’t supposed to be this easy!”  Says who???  Of course it can be easy.  Or, if you prefer, you can make it difficult.  It is up to you. 

Notice the doors that are opening, the help you are receiving, the opportunities that come your way and accept them and say “Thank you!”

If one other person has succeeded doing what you want to do, then you can succeed as well!!  Get out of your own way.  What are you willing to have???

Let me know if I can help.  jean@livingmore.org

NO REGRETS by Jean Johnson

Mother’s Day was Sunday.  My Mom has been gone for five years now, and I still miss her terribly, especially on Mother’s Day.  I wish I could sit her down and tell her what I learned from nursing her during her last illness, being with her when she transitioned, dealing with some of my own aging and health issues, and traveling further on my spiritual journey.  I would tell her how much I miss her and love her and list the many gifts she gave me during her life and in her death.  I would try and make amends for the times I was too busy for her, for being too distracted or way too cranky and judgmental.  Yes Mom, I’ve learned a lot.

But I think the best way to make amends to my Mom is to really live one of the last lessons she taught me.  In one of her last coherent days she said to me, “If I’d known it was going to end like this I would have done it differently.  I would have had a lot more fun, and worried a lot less.”

I don’t know how my life will end – or when.  What I do know is I have today.  I have this minute.  And I can choose how to spend it.  And I am going to be much more aware of choosing fun, especially over worry.  Worry has never prevented anything from happening.  Actually I believe we attract what we think about, so worry can be very harmful.  Fun on the other hand is well, fun.

So for this day, I’m going to have fun.  My kitchen floor needs to be stripped and waxed.  There is gardening to be done.  My office could use straightening.  But for me, none of that is fun, and it will all still be there tomorrow.  So for today, in honor of Mom, and of myself, I’m going to pick flowers (could count as gardening), dance, play some poker (she loved poker) and dabble with some art projects.  I’m going to sing out loud, keep up a running commentary to the dogs, laugh at my own wit, and at least for day, have no regrets on how I lived it.

How about you?  Want to join me in the “no regrets” club?  What can you do today to make it a “wow, what a great day I had” day?  Go for it – make my Mom proud!!

HALF-EMPTY GLASS TO OVERFLOWING by Jean Johnson

Are you one of those people that always see the glass half empty?  Or maybe your glass actually is half empty right now; want to make it go to overflowing?  Here are my top ten tips for overflow:

1.  Start the day with a smile.  When you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning give yourself a big grin, say a happy “good morning”, brush your teeth, wash your face and give yourself a thumbs up!!

2.  Notice something beautiful around you.  The trees, a flower, your kids or dogs, a favorite piece of art.  Really look at it and notice what is beautiful about it and why you noticed it.  And if you don’t have anything beautiful around you – find something today!  It can be a pinecone from the park or a child’s drawing – anything that holds beauty for you.

3.  Sing to yourself (or out loud!!).  Pick an upbeat song and whistle, hum or sing it to get you going.  Or at least play it so you can sing along.  I like Daniel Nahmod’s song “Secret Weapon” with its chorus “it’s all good” or Karen Drucker’s “Got No Right to Sing the Blues!”

4. Get yourself a dog.  Dogs offer unconditional love, they make you laugh and they get your outside!!  They are the perfect antidote to feeling down.

 5.  Make a gratitude list every morning.  Start your day doing this and you’ll find even more things to be grateful for throughout the day.

6.  Do something for someone.  Volunteer at a shelter or a hospital.  Babysit someone’s kids for an hour.  Mow a lawn.  Give someone flowers.  Take your thoughts off of yourself.

7.  Look your best.  Wear your favorite shoes.  Get a haircut or manicure.  Put on a smile.

8.  Move your body.  Walk, run, dance, skip, work-out, garden, haul garbage, anything that involves moving your body.  Movement ups our endorphins and those are our natural feel-good drugs!

9.  Visualize.  Close your eyes and see the glass.  Then begin to see water being poured into the glass.  Turn the water into whatever you need more of:  money, love, help, health; and keep watching it pour into the glass until the glass reaches the brim and let it keep pouring until the glass is spilling over and all the good stuff that is going into your glass is now also being shared with all those around you.  Because when we have plenty there is plenty to give away!  There is no shame in having more than enough.

10.  End each day with a prayer of thankfulness for all that you have.  When we say thank you for what we have in our glass, even if it is only a quarter full, the Universe knows we are open to having more.  “Thank you God for all my blessings,” is a simple prayer that turns our focus from what we lack to what we have – and that is what turns on the faucet so that our glass can begin to overflow.

 Try it.  Life is good if we look with grateful eyes!

TIME OUT by Jean Johnson

I am sitting here waiting to hear from my daughter whether she got laid off today or not.  It is hard not knowing.  We talked yesterday and I know she will be OK no matter what happens, but she loves her job and she wants to keep it.  So it isn’t just the loss of a paycheck or health benefits or a sense of financial security, she would also be losing an activity she is passionate about, an environment she helped create, and being with people she has shared much with.  That kind of loss won’t be alleviated by the economy turning around.

My daughter is smart and very financially responsible.  She and her boyfriend have discussed how things will be financially if she gets laid off.  She has enough liquid cash to see her through for quite a while – although she’d prefer not to have to use it!  In my eyes she is looking at a fabulous opportunity, as are many people who have been forced from their jobs this last year.

If you’re not in dire financial need this can be a perfect time to reassess your life.  Take a “Time Out”!   Instead of frantically jumping into job hunting, slowly get into you.  Ask the important questions:  who am I without my profession or occupation?  What do I really want to do with my life?  Am I happy?  What would it take to make me happy?  Is it possible that this is a gift so that I am forced to slow down?  Is there something I want to do that I have been putting off because I’m too busy?  Something I want to see or learn or experience?  Now just might be the time.

The Buddha said, “The trouble is that we think we have time.”  And we do think that.  We put off important, interesting or intriguing ideas, and desires until later – when we have more money, or we’re established, or married or divorced or the kids are grown or whatever – and often never get to them.  So now may just be the time.

When my Mom was dying she said, “If I’d known it was going to end up like this I would have done it differently.”  This may be your opportunity to do it differently.  Take the time you’ve been given and let it serve you.  Make the most of it.  Mourn your loss but then go on to enjoy the present.  Don’t look back later and say “I wish I’d done it differently.”  Give yourself some grace and take a time out, even if just for a few days or a week or two.  You deserve it.

So whether you’re working or not, by choice or not, take a time out.  Rest, relax, re-group and reconsider.  Think of life as a game.  This might be half-time, or end of a quarter or a short time out to formulate a new play, but whatever it is, you’ll want to go back into the game refreshed and revitalized.  And for that you need to actively acknowledge and appreciate the time out for what it is – a break! So take a breath, take a sip, take a sit-down; huddle with your team members, listen to the cheerleaders, follow your coaches advice and be grateful you’re getting a time out instead of being out of time.

TRUTH IS RELATIVE by Jean Johnson

We all have different maps of the world.  My reality is mine alone, no one else has ever experienced my life, seen what I’ve seen, been through what I’ve been through in the way and time I’ve been through it – it isn’t possible.  Even conjoined twins who share the same body are still two separate people and they will have different perceptions of their experiences, i.e. different maps of reality.

 

Since none of us share the exact same reality, then “truth” can not be the same for all of us.  One of my truths is that I think dogs are the most fabulous pets ever.  But my daughter barely tolerates my dogs, and only because they are mine does she tolerate them at all.  In her mind the truth about dogs is that they are smelly, noisy, pesky creatures who need too much tending to.  She’s a cat person.

 

Truth is relative to all of us.  Most people declare that you should always tell the truth, but most people don’t.  Most of the lies we tell are harmless, some are even helpful.  Do I really need to tell my friend I think the color of the new paint in her living room is hideous – of course not.  She loves it, and she lives with it, so why shouldn’t I just say, “Wow, you are so on the edge.  I envy you your daring!”  Which, by the way, is the truth.

 

People say, will yes, but there are universal truths.  OK, lets take this one:  murder is wrong.  Universal truth?  No.  Because it can’t be a truth if we start carving out exceptions like war, self defense, survival, punishment or “I saw those shoes first!”

 

When people say they always tell the truth I don’t believe them.  I believe that is a lie.  We’re too self-protective as a species to always tell the truth.  Besides, our perceptions and our memories distort the truth.  I was always amazed when my mother had I would share a memory of my childhood and her version was so different from mine.  It happens now with my own daughter.  Is one of us lying?  No.  We just remember it according to our own personal map of the world.  And because that is different our truths of the memory are different.  But they are both true – at least for us.

 

Truth is relative – your truth depends on who you are, where you are, when you are and how hungry you are.

 

So even if you are telling the truth, it is only your truth.  If someone else doesn’t agree it could mean they don’t want to hear the truth, or they aren’t telling the truth, or it could simply mean that their truth is different.  If all of us had the same maps of the world life would be very, very boring.  It is our differences that create meaning. Ain’t that the truth?

MONEY MATTERS by Jean Johnson

There is no doubt that today’s media mantra in “woe is me.”  Newspapers, magazines, radio, TV are reporting constant bad news about the economy and how awful everything is.  But one positive I see coming from the economic downturn is that people are looking at their money differently and this could make for major changes in their lives.

 

Some people are out of work and they now have the opportunity to ask “What do I really want to do to make money?”  And of course we all know how life changing that can be.  Just imagine doing something you were passionate about and loved doing and making money doing it – wouldn’t that change your life?

 

Some people are still working but have either had their pay cut or are cutting back because of the economy.  This can bring up a lot of feelings about our selves and our money.  For instance:  how much money do I really need to be happy?  Am I consuming things (food, entertainment, products) because I really want them? Or because it is a show of status? Or because I’m trying to fill an empty hole inside? Or because it is the “in” thing to do?

 

Some people are hoarding money out of fear of what the future holds.  Some people are making more money than ever because they have seen an opportunity or they are providing a necessary service.  For them this isn’t a down economy, it is an upswing.

 

Money matters.  We need it to live and eat and pay for shelter.  But it is not the most important thing in the world.  And I see many, many people realizing that and actually being grateful for less work and less money because it gives them a chance to rest, rethink, reconsider and reconnect with what is important to them.

 

What about you?  Do you have a money matter?  How are you dealing with it?  Could you use some help?  Remember, you matter way more that money does!

BALANCE IS NOT ENOUGH by Jean Johnson

Having a “balanced life” is what many people are looking for these days, but balance is not enough, we also need a blended life.

 

For years I have taught a seminar in life balance.  I use the balance wheel and a balance chart as a way to get people to see where there life is out of kilter and how to get each area to be more fulfilling.  All good stuff.  But the other day when I was working with the chart I realized it isn’t enough.  A person could have all 10’s (on a scale of 1 to 10) on their balance wheel, i.e. a balanced life, and still not be happy.  Why?  Because their life is compartmentalized.  Which means they will still fell detached and disconnected because there life is in pieces and not a whole.

 

If we keep our finances separate from our spirituality, our family separate from our work, our romance separate from our fun and adventure it is all going to feel false and incomplete and make it hard to keep those 10’s as 10’s.  It becomes a house of cards.  Finished, but fragile.

 

Which means it is important to not only balance our life but to blend it.  Because when we start to overlap areas: fun, finances, family they all begin to support each other, not compete for time and resources.  Then we can spend our time and resources on several areas at once, creating more of everything.  And that is really good stuff!

 

How blended is your life?  How much easier would it be if it was?  Curious?  If you’d like more information contact me at jean@livingmore.org.

BELIEVING IS SEEING by Jean Johnson

One day, when I was five years old and in kindergarten, several of us little girls were playing a game where we swished our heads back and forth and smacked ourselves in the face with our hair.  It was a harmless pastime and we were all giggling like crazy.  The other girls saw the teacher coming and they stopped, but I didn’t see her and kept on shaking my head and laughing. Suddenly the teacher reached down, grabbed my arm, hauled me out of my chair, shoved me behind the piano and told me to stay there because I was a bad, silly girl. 

 

It was years later that I discovered that I had made a decision in that moment, a subconscious decision, but a decision nevertheless.  What I decided that day was it is not OK to have fun in school, and later on that belief transferred over to work.  So even though I’m someone for whom fun and humor is a big part of my life I kept that part of me out of the workplace until I was 40 years old!!

 

And I made the discovery by accident.  My husband at the time wanted to move to California, so while he looked for work there I took a “temporary” (at least that is what I thought) job in a large law firm.  Since I didn’t expect to be there long, certainly not long enough for a performance review, I decided to have fun while I was there, so I let my humor out!!  Well, much to my surprise, I ended by getting divorced, not moving to California, and getting a performance review.  And the review was stellar!  To a person that I had worked with they all said how much they loved my sense of humor, how much fun I was to work with, and how easily I could relieve the tension that came from doing legal work.

 

Wow – what a stunner.  All those years I’d kept my humor hidden and I didn’t need to.  Which led be to start questioning other beliefs I had about myself, others and life.  Maybe I was attractive, smart, capable.  Maybe I was good enough.  Maybe I could have the life I dreamed of.

 

What beliefs do you have that may be holding you back?  Why not challenge one today and see how much better life can get.  It works – you can believe it.

ADAPTING TO CHANGE by Jean Johnson

Change is the only real constant in life.  Seasons change, prices change, bodies change; we change jobs, locations, spouses!  Change is inevitable and everywhere, especially these days.  So how we handle change is important.  We can stress our selves out over it or we can “go with the flow.”  If we accept that change is a given, it makes it easier to accept, and then do what is necessary to make ourselves comfortable.

 

My business partner just moved from warm, sunny, Southern California where she has lived all her life, to a tiny town way up north in the middle of Washington, where it is not so sunny and warm.  She and her sweetie and their little dog are sharing a house with her parents, who are also brand new to the area.  I get to sit back and watch because the changes are coming fast and furious and they will continue for at least a year.

 

It took my own mother at least six years to adjust to the climate up here in the Pacific Northwest – no – actually – she never adjusted.  But I’m sure Terri and her family will do just fine.  Terri knows about change (she’s done the changing spouses and jobs things a few time), but she also knows because she’s a realist.  She knows that when you move to a new place things will be different.  People, places, stores, shops, rainfall, sunshine – it will all be different.  It can be exciting and adventuresome, or it can be stressful and demoralizing, it is all in how we choose to deal with it.

 

Many people are losing their jobs and even their houses in this economy.  Those are some big changes.  It’s easy to sit around and whine and complain and say it shouldn’t be me, it shouldn’t be like this.  It’s harder to look change in the eye and say “OK, this is what is, now, what can I do to move my life forward?”

 

Plants and animals that don’t adapt to changing environments don’t survive.  Change happens.  The question is:  how are you going to adapt to the change?

 

You can hear Terri talk about her move and adapting to all the changes on Thursday, April 16 at noon Pacific Time at www.blogtalkradio.com/livingmore.

 

TOP TEN WAYS FOR YOUR ENVIRONMENT TO SUPPORT YOU by Jean Johnson

1.  Live where you enjoy the weather

2.  and the activities

3.  and the politics

4.  Create a home that nurtures you

5.  Possess only what you love

6.  Do not tolerate poor lighting, noise, smells or icky colors

7.  Unclutter and get rid of crap

8.  Invest in what you need to do your job properly

9.  Your car is part of your environment – keep it clean and well maintained

10.  Dress beautifully and comfortably

Any questions?